“Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason”

“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

“I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu.”

“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”

“Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.”

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“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”

“What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.”

Want more? Listen to this best bit from Jonesy & Amanda!